Neko


So I was looking at old stuff, from somewhen around 2013-2015. 

This time around was kind of a life changing experience for me so to say.


Mid 2012, a Korean Drama called "Phantom" aired; it was about the cyber police and hackers.

That's when I was like "oh that's cool as heck!!"

(And at this time there were about 2500 more kids who felt the same way)


With a little search I was able to find a forum made for kids around my age to study hacking and stuff. It was rather full of scriptkiddies but little did I know about this world. Though, instead of getting into game hacks or little skills that'd break websites here and there (xss was a huge thing) I rather went into learning the C language. Of course my dream was to become the cyber police.


March 2013. I was still learning C. What a dumbass Well, I was kinda done with C, and I was tired of it. I never got into more than the basics, so I could solve Dovelet problems (like algorithm-related problems) but nothing like playing with APIs, graphics, etc. I started to look into CTFs. Miscellaneous problems were fun so I'd take a look at those and chat up with other people participating. I played a little with forensics and cryptography. I never got deep into those.


September 2013. I got accepted (more like invited) to team LeaveRet by a friend I've known since 2012. (He's still a close friend.) This is where I started learning the really basics of syshack(system hacking). You can see my studies in the category ~ 2015/Lord of the BOF. Learned a lot about system architecture, and those things that I can't remember one bit.


Overall I'm not really that logical and I don't math well either so I'm really unfit for these number stuff. I eventually gave up when I started to feel burned out trying to even understand Return-Oriented Programming. I literally spent months trying to understand the basics and failing to do so. Though, I wouldn't call those days wasted. It was a time I was passionate about something, and I really wanted to become a security enthusiast. Although I barely made any progress it was a good time.


By early 2015 I said goodbye to my teammates. I wasn't doing any progress nor helping them with anything on their competitions. Staying in the team seemed rather pointless and not beneficial to me either. I was losing too much time reading research papers I didn't understand, and I had to focus more on my schoolwork. I think this was a good time to quit the team though. Looking back, I was really, really afraid to leave since I was afraid I'd regret it later on. I don't regret it at all. I don't know how much longer I could've spent on trying to understand ROP, when I could be having more fun doing schoolwork and playing with friends.


Since then my dream has changed once again. Now I want to be a developer. I'm debating between a game graphic programmer (working with the graphics team to make sure all graphics function well and are programmed to do what they should) or a game server developer (or game developer is fine too). The former seems rather unlikely regarding my lack of art-related history but latter seems quite a tough goal for me to achieve. 


Hopefully I'll be able to fulfill my expectations. When I get the time (and maybe brain) to resume my studies on system security, I really want to try again too.

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케이윌 - 이러지마 제발

K.will - Please don't...



나란히 앉은 자동차 속에선

음악도 흐르지 않아

Inside the car where we sit together

No music plays

늘 잡고 있던 니 왼손으로

너 입술만 뜯고 있어

You're only picking at your lips

With the left hand I've always held

니가 할 말 알아 그 말만은 말아

Don’t know why Don’t know why

I know what you're going to say, please don't say it

Don’t know why Don’t know why

일분 일초 더 끌고 싶은데

텅 빈 길 나를 재촉해

I want to drag on every minute, every second

But the empty road urges me on



빙빙 돌아온

너의 집 앞이 나 익숙해 눈물이 나와

After taking the far route around

Your house looks too familiar, tears start to fall

하루가 멀게 찾아온 여기서

길을 내가 잃은 것 같아

After searching for this place all day

Seems like I am the one lost here



이러지마 제발 떠나지마 제발

Don’t know why Don’t know why

Please don't, please don't leave

Don’t know why Don’t know why

비도 안 오는 유리창 넘어

뿌옇게 멀어지는 너

Outside the window that isn't even raining

You grow blurry as you move further away



말처럼 쉽진 않은

널 보내야 한다는 일

Not as easy as it sounds

To be able to send you away

돌아서서 날 버리고 가는

널 보지 못하고 떨구고 마는

눈물도 이젠 닦아야겠지 주머니 속 니가 줬던

손수건을 써야 할 지 이젠 버려야 할지

왜 떨림이 멈추질 않지

I have to wipe the tears I shed while my back is turned to you,

not being able to see you leaving me behind 

Should I use the handkerchief inside my pocket that 

you've given me, or should I throw it away

Why can't I stop this trembling



미친척하고 널 잡아 보려 해도

내 몸이 내 말을 잘 듣지를 않아

Even if I try to catch you, pretending to be crazy

My body won't listen to me well

차 안에 남은 니 향기에 취해

영영 깨고 싶지 않은걸

Intoxicated from your scent left in the car

I don't want to wake up forever



이러지마 제발(제발) 떠나지마 제발(제발)

돌아와 (돌아와) 돌아와 (돌아와)

Please don't (please), please don't leave (please)

Come back (come back), come back (come back)

니가 떠나간 빈자리 위엔

차가운 향기만 남아

Only cold scent fills in

The empty place you've left behind



이러지마 제발 떠나지마 제발

돌아와(돌아와) 돌아와(돌아와)

Please don't, please don't leave

Come back (come back), come back (come back)

남은 향기만 안고 있을게

돌아와 니 자리로

I'll hold onto what is left of the scent

Come back to where you should be



sad ;-;

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네 품에 안겨

in your arms.



기분 좋은 설레임

운동화 끈을 매고서

떠나는 내 뒷모습 초라해 보이지만

A pleasant flutter

Tying my laces and leaving the house

My back may look shabby

바람을 따라,

내 맘도 따라

Following the wind,

Following my heart

소나기가 내리네 나의 오후

A shower passes by, my afternoon

[x2]


---


향기로운 와인과 달콤한 케익 한 조각

Fragrant wine and a slice of sweet cake

지친 하루 외로운 내 맘을 위로하네

Soothes my lonely heart of a tiring day

바람을 따라,

내 맘도 따라

Following the wind,

Following my heart

소나기가 내리네 나의 오후

A shower passes by, my afternoon


---


기분 좋은 설레임

운동화 끈을 매고서

떠나는 내 뒷모습 초라해 보이지만

A pleasant flutter

Tying my laces and leaving the house

My back may look shabby

바람을 따라,

내 맘도 따라

Following the wind,

Following my heart

소나기가 내리네 나의 오후

A shower passes by, my afternoon


[x2]

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