Neko


바쁘다

이사준비

대학준비

비자

서류


.

.


아프다

친구들

사회성

소통


아프다

하지만 참아야 해

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Posted by 에버토끼

Someone's thread in OT pushed me back into the Imagine Dragons roll. Now I'm just listening to their songs nonstop, weeb days are gone. lmao rip.


Lemme talk a little about Imagine Dragons and their significance on my life. 


Many people around me found ID while playing League of Legends around 2014. I know this because I have a number of friends from that game that know the band.. But I believe I've listened to their songs long before that. 


My first memory of ID's song is listening it from a radio. It wasn't once; they were several times. I'm pretty sure it was Demons, because I remember googling the lyrics "this is my kingdom, come". That was my first experience with their song. I also think I've thought their band name was pretty cool.


Then I heard On Top of the World. Seriously, I have no idea where I heard this song. I don't think it's from the radio, so it's most likely from YouTube or something like that. Who knows. I was following their twitter, especially after their collab with Riot Games. I've heard that they were releasing a new album. (This was also the time where I Bet My Life was building hype.) Cover art looked cool, the songs not really attractive except I Bet My Life.


I was wrong, because soon enough I got to hear the whole album. That usual first-time-don't-like syndrome, known exclusively to ID fans. This was around 2015, I suppose.


That was enough of my memory-digging, wow. Almost digressed from the topic.


2015. During the whole summer of 2015 I had to study for SATs at Korea (I'd returned for the summer). Korea sounds awesome. Great food, great people, convenient tech. Familiar places, transportations are easy to access, I've got freedom. That's all enjoyable and stuff, until you realize you're korean so you'll have to attend academies during your two months of vacation.


So my daily routine was: 

    8:00: leave home to ride a subway 

    8:30: arrive at academy

    8:30~13:00: listen to classes

    ~13:30: eat lunch

    ~18:00: study until 6PM, 

    ~19:00: arrive home, eat dinner.


Daily. Fucking terrible, I'm not used to this stuff. Imagine Dragons really helped me through this period, and I listened to their songs every single minute I was on the subway, bus, or studying. I listened to their songs for a month and could memorize the whole two albums just before their concert. By the way, their concert was a fantastic experience too. 


So, 2016. This was a tough year, As a junior, we had started our IB program. "The International Baccalaureate (IB) is your child's passport to a well-rounded and outstanding global education." This really had me dead. I've gotten depression just alone from this program, although as it's been less depressing since I've finished my courses and my sufferings are almost gone. 


During summer vacation of 2016, I had to visit Korea again. (Again, fucking terrible) This time my daily routine was similar but I just attended two academies instead of one. I'd come back home around 10PM. This was another round with ID songs. Just the two albums, over and over again.


ID's songs are really quite deep, and they really know how to compose those "shit". Their songs rather follow a generic pattern, beat and rhythm but I really focus more on the lyrics and the lyrics are truly what makes their song special, along with the artistic covers and unusual melody. I'm listening to Shots right now. All their songs are so special. 


Somehow Shots reminds me of the day I visited Moscow(or St.Petersburg, I don't remember)'s Hard Rock Cafe just to ask them for ID's huge placard lmao. Unfortunately they didn't have any ID merch, so I asked for the placard that was hanging on the wall. It was a joke but the woman probably thought 'what is wrong with this kid' and she was like, nope. Not allowed. ;D


Exams are literally around the edge, more like in my face now but you see, important things make procrastination shine. So here's my procrastination for the day. o/


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Posted by 에버토끼

In the forums or internet in general no one cares about you. It's the content they care about, whether that be shitposting or quality shitposting. It's the joy the audience gets that's important. If there's none, you're easily buried and your thread is likely to die real soon. 


You're depressed? Shitpost a sentence. Hey, imma depressed af!1 Someone else will shitreply, yeah me too!@ and that's the end of your rant. Nothing gained. The lack of connection and effort between people is like a secret mutual promise that no one really talks about. One day you're gone; no one's really going to care on forums.


You're depressed, want to rant? The sentence given above is too short for you to include your emotions? Sorry, no one has time to listen to your shit. Go somewhere else. Maybe a consultant would be nice. 


Otherwise, derailing, but I'm really finding it difficult to make boundaries between IRL and internet friends. Internet friends share hobbies and favorites. They gladly accept my presence. Dunno whether they care about me though. There's too many things that are covered in order to find out their true thoughts. I'm probably one of the most honest people on the web. I sometimes feel as if I'm giving out too much, and people around me probably have felt this and know about it. 


I hate the fact that at some point I have to admit being a girl. Happened twice in my gaming hobby as of now, but the second one I don't know if it was a good choice. I don't care about lewd jokes and I really don't get offended, but there are people who do feel uncomfortable and if I seriously think about it, listening to these matters aren't supposed to be nice, really. I've basically given up on that part so maybe that's why I really don't get offended by anything anymore. But both times I have to admit that admitting to being a girl sometimes also makes me feel like there's some barrier between. The grill barrier. lol. Hate to admit but exists somehow in some form, mild but clearly there.


IRL friends care about me but don't really share any common likes. I've come to the point that I don't really believe my IRL friends care about me that much either. It's just a form of manner, just being kind. I don't have any best friends. 


I'm an introvert and care about how others think of me too much. I had a weeb friend but she's out of this weeb business and I'm not confident in discussing weeb things with her; I'm afraid she'll get sick of it. Koreans think weeb matter makes people anti-social, childish, and/or *insert negative comment here*. Partially the reason I find Koreans generally hard to get along with. In Korea it's either you don't watch anime, or you're really the PG18 guy looking at animuu, creepily watching vids in a dark room, clutching your dakimakura.


When I meet a person, I start to think about many things they could be thinking about myself. My mind is too simple to look through all circumstances, and I easily come up with the conclusion: this person's not fit for me.


I've been on osu! forums lately, and I was quite surprised by the lack of word filtering in forums. "fuck" and "shit" were a natural occurrance. I still feel uncomfortable at times using those words, but I do use them a lot in real life and they do get points across. 


I don't want to study for maths. Maths suck. Paper 3 is hard. I don't get it.

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Posted by 에버토끼


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